escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
