yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
