Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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