Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
