Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
