So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
