If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
