I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
