My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
God, I missed his penis.
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