I want to make a zoo with you.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
