I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
