i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize