I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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