my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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