I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
