He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
