allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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