Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
