dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
