I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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