I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
my liver is dry heaving
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
