why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
