Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
