Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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