If that was your dad, he is hot
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I looked at my own cervix.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
