my mouth tastes like poor choices
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
