i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
