Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
