I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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