she smelled like a LAN party
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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