Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize