in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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