I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
