Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
