I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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