i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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