"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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