but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
