apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
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Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone