Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
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You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
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I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?