I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
