Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
