Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
