I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
