You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
