So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
