i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
