I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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