also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
