That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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