I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
