i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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