First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
