I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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