I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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