I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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