is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
