My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
