We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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