I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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