Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
