Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
